Thank You!

I have thoroughly enjoyed working with all of you during this course!  I thought it was truly amazing to learn so much for all of your personal stories, and see all of us grow and change personally as well as professionally.  I feel like I was able to learn about the type of communicator I am, and the "why" behind what I do and say.  Last week I mentioned that I will be taking a little break and then starting back up in September.  That is due to changing my specialization to Administration and Leadership.  I hope that some of you are also in that specialization because I would love to continue to work with some of you again!  Enjoy your summers, and best of wishes in your future courses!

Teamwork

The stage of adjourning is very interesting.  I look back on a few meaningful groups I have been a part of and how the adjournment played out.  I have been involved in school district and corporation meetings or staff development days with groups.  In this type of situation, adjourning is usually easy.  You wish people luck, and you know you will most likely see and work with them again since we have the commonality of work.  You have most likely made decisions during these meetings that involved follow-up steps or hard work in order to get them.  I feel that sometimes when you have a goal to work forward to, you adjourn in “task mode”.  

I have been involved in group work with individuals that I did not know prior to and will most likely never see them again, such as jury duty or professional development seminars.  These types of group adjournments can be a little awkward.  You aren’t sure what to say, since you know you will probably never see them again.  Yet you feel like you really got to know them over the course of the day.  

I have also been involved in groups that have been long-lasting.  I worked for 6 years as an elementary teacher.  I formed long-lasting friendships with my co-workers.  When it turned in my letter of resignation, it was the hardest thing I had ever done.  I still keep in touch with many of these former co-workers, and even remain close friends with a few.  It seems as if the groups that are close-knit, and have traveled many ups and downs together have a hard time adjourning.

It will be difficult to say good-bye to the group that I have traveled through this Master’s Program with.  One classmate already said goodbye when she decided to take some time off to give birth and spend time with her new baby.  I will have to say good-bye to many after this course, because I am taking the next class off and starting back up in September with a new specialization.  You feel like you really get to know your classmates, especially those who are very open to share their own personal stories.  I will say goodbye, wish everyone luck, and hope to stay in contact with a few who I feel I have really gotten to know.  Although this stage can be difficult, but it is an essential part to teamwork because I think it brings closure. 

Nonviolent Communication in Action

I am currently working as a developmental therapist.  I have a 2 year old set of twins on my caseload, who will be turning 3 in two months.  At three years old, the children age out of the program and will transition into preschool.  In recent sessions, I voiced my concern about some specific skills that I do not see the children progressing in, and am very concerned due to them starting school soon.  One of those skills is transitions.  These two boys have meltdown and fits when I try to transition from one activity to another.  This would definitely be a problem in preschool in a classroom of 15-20 students.  Mom explained that they don’t have tantrums when the speech therapist is present because she allows the first toy to stay out while she starts engaging them in the second and then puts away the first one when they forget about it.  Mom said that our methods are contradicting each other.  

What would you do in this situation?

My solution to this problem was to first initiate contact with the speech therapist.  We talked some through email, and then scheduled a time when we could meet together for a session to co-treat.  We did that today!  We sat down and discussed what each of our goals were from our specialty, and then planned a strategy that we could use to meet all those goals together.  She admitted that she doesn’t actively think about things like imaginative play, cooperative play, sharing, turn-taking, and transitions because she is so focused on what is going on with the mouth.  It was a great way to learn more about each other’s viewpoints and make a plan to move on from here in the right direction!

Even though there were only two of us, we used group decision making to create goals and plans for these two children.  This is something I learned this week when reading an article from the NVC website. 

Perceiving the Self and Others

My husband and my friend Kelli were the two people I chose to evaluate me.  I was surprised to see how much my husband and friend actually knew me.  Their scores were very similar to what I scored for myself.  When I talked with both of them about their answers they both told me that the most difficult questions concerned how I felt about talking in front of groups of people, mainly the question about my heart beating faster.  Interesting enough, they answered the same thing I did.  They have definitely “listened” to my voiced concerns in the past.

I was also very surprised that my friend Kelli perceived me as being a much more effective communicator than I perceived myself.  This says a lot about my self-concept.    

My Family

This week I have gained a few insights about communication.  I feel these two are the very important and can definitely affect our personal and professional lives.

1.  Self-concept can shape our communication skills with others.  Other may perceive you as a great communicator, but your lack of confidence can have an impact on your life.
2. Our backgrounds and personal cultures can cause us to make assumptions about others, and can often affect our communication with those individuals.  We should resist to make assumptions of individuals until we have had the opportunity to meet and converse with them.      

Communication Changes

Since starting this course, I have found myself communicating differently with all people in my life including family, colleagues, friends, clients, and my own children.  I have found myself thinking before I speak, mainly in terms of interruptions.  When discussing interrupting with fellow classmates last week I found it very interesting that many of us who were shy as a child now often have issues with interrupting others.  I am working at being a better listener when talking with people personally and professionally.  I feel having effectively listening skills can help in all aspects of my life.

This week’s Platinum Rule really hit home with me.  For so long many of us have taken the statement, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”, to heart.  Now realizing that that statement really doesn’t apply to most situations is eye opening.  The Platinum Rule has really made me look at my behaviors to others in a whole new light, and I am now often thinking about how that person would want to be treated instead of myself. 

When communicating with colleagues, parents, or individuals from different cultures I think it is important to implement these three strategies:

1. Try to view the situation by placing myself in the other person’s shoes. 
2. Be more aware of my own patterns of communication.
3. Talk less and listen more. 

"Community"

First I watched the show with no sound.

For this blog assignment I watched a show on NBC called “Community”.  First of all, it is very difficult to watch a show without the sound.  There were times when I felt lost.  What I could tell was that these were all a group of co-workers.  In the opening scene, there was no one who seemed to show power so I could not tell if there was a boss present or not.  Later one man entered another man’s office.  He appeared to startle the man who was not working.  He wore a suit and commanded attention.  In my opinion, this might be the boss in the office. 

There were many different scenes throughout the episode of different sets of co-workers outside of work together.  Five of the co-workers hung out together at an apartment, and seemed to be conversing and interacting like friends.  They appeared to be having casual talks and laughing.  They even seemed to be discussing a personal matter of one of the women in which they were all trying to help her with. 

Two other sets of co-workers are seen out at a carnival.  One set are two men, one older and one younger.  The other set are a man and a woman about the same age.  The two men seem happy together, and the other two don’t seem to be having a good time.  The woman seems bothered by the fact that the other two are having such a great time.  The woman keeps giving her male friend frustrated looks while playing a game, and notices when the other two men walk by laughing with each other.  After playing the game, they get into an argument.  They almost seem as if they are trying too hard to have fun to prove a point or something.  In another area of the carnival, the two men get into an argument on the bench, and one leaves.  The one who remains plays back their happy moments in his head.  It seems like they are friends, but the one who left got up and stormed off for what appeared to be no reason.  That makes me think they aren’t as close as they appeared.

Later in the episode, all these different co-workers end up back at the apartment together in which one of the men from the carnival says something to the woman who is having a personal issue.  This seems to make her realize something.  He appears to come off as a concerned friend, and she respects him, listens, and takes his advice.  Later they all sit down together to watch the television.  The close friend of the woman and the man who helped her look for a long time at each other and smile.  Their relationship seems closer than that of just two friends.

I could see happiness and friendship expressed through their eye contact and laughter.  I could also sense frustration in the woman with the problem due to her vivid actions with her arms when she talked and her facial expressions.  I could sense the seriousness in the conversation between her and the man due to his serious facial expressions and her expression that showed understanding of her issue.

Then I watched the show with sound.

I was surprised to see that I was very wrong with my assumptions about the basis for their friendships.  These were not co-workers at all, but they were all classmates at a community college (hence the name “Community”).  The man who walked into the office did have some authority; he is a professor at the college.  Although, I was wrong about his relationship with the other man, he was not the other man’s boss.   They are both employees at the college.

I was correct to assume they were all friends though.  The one woman was struggling with a person problem of wanting to call a man who was not nice.  Her friends were trying to keep her from her cell phone so she could not call him.      

The female and male friends who went to the carnival together were only there to spy on the man the woman was trying to call.  The game they spent many minutes at was this man’s carnival game.  They did this so they could talk to him.  The frustration the woman had was because she wanted to ride the rides.  I also discovered that the two men who were there were only there because the older man was trying to prove to his friends that he could have friends outside of their circle.

In the end, even with sound, I could not get a sense of the relationship between the woman and the man due to their look.  I think I saw the same thing both times because there was no verbal dialogue between the two.  If I had seen this show before, I would already have a basis for the understanding of the show, and my assumptions would have been very different.  I would’ve known the background of the shows concept and the character development which would’ve given me better understanding of their relationships that already existed.  This really gave me some insight into communication simply based on nonverbal characteristics and communication with someone or a situation that you are not familiar with.  It can definitely affect your perception of the event and individuals involved.    

My Communication Role Model

This week I was asked to think about someone who demonstrates competent communication.  The first person that popped into my mind was my friend Kim.  Eight years ago Kim came into my life as my first grade partner teacher.  Not only were Kim and I teaching together, but soon after we both became pregnant, and little did we know would face many medical challenges involving our newborn daughters.  These things all bonded Kim and I together with a friendship that has continued even though we currently live in different states. 

Kim exhibits many characteristics that I believe make her a very effective communicator.  Kim listens closely when having a conversation.  She accepts the differences of other who she is communicating with, and even accepts what she hears even though it may not be something she personally practices or believes in.  Kim has also always been completely honest and offers reasoning behind her messages.  She has a way of making people feel comfortable, safe, and not afraid to share their emotions. 

Our Kids (our oldest are 4 months apart, and the youngest are 6 days apart)

These characteristics that Kim possesses are something I strive for.  I often have to remind myself to listen to others in the way that Kim has always done.  There is a difference between listening, and actively listening and truly listening.  I would like to believe her caring disposition has rubbed off on my over the years.  It is fantastic to have such a close friend to look up to and learn from!