My Supports

Supports can be defined in many ways.  When I sat and reflected on the supports in my daily life, I have come up with many. 

Here are some of my supports, and how they affect my daily life.

Relationships With Family!

My husband is my  greatest support.  My husband supports me in all aspects of my life.  He is there for emotional support and listens to my joys and concerns with open ears.  My husband is the bread winner in our family, therefore is our main financial support.  My husband is supporting in terms of parenting.  We make decisions for our family and children jointly.  In addition to all these things, my husband takes care of the yard work,  helps around the house, takes me youngest daughter to daycare two days a week, helps with bath time, bedtime, and morning routine with the children.  He does so much I could keep going.  Again, he is truly my greatest support.

Without the support of others, I know I would be an emotional wreck.  I lean on my husband and my mother for many emotional supports.  Without the support of my husband financially, I alone would not be able to adequately provide for my two children.  Without his support around the house, there are many things that wouldn't be done.  His support allows me to be able to work from home, obtain my master's degree, and even have some time to relax.  The loss of this support would cause me to not be able to obtain some of the goals I have set for myself, and could possibly affect me physically due to pure exhaustion. 

Organizational Techniques!

The main means of organizing my life is the use of lists and calendars.  I have a calendar that hangs in the kitchen in which we use for family events, school events, birthdays, and doctor appointments.  I have a calendar I use for work.  This schedule contains appointments with clients, as well as client information (addresses, phone numbers, etc.).  I have a weekly schedule that hangs on my refrigerator that I use to document my weekly to-dos for work, housework, and school assignments.  Also on my refrigerator, I even have a monthly meal calendar.  We plan our dinner menu one month in advance.  It helps so I am not sitting around planning menus each week, and it helps us not to repeat meals often.

Without these supports, I would be completely lost.  My work, housework, school work, and social life would all be in jeopardy.  I know there are some people that don't even own a calendar, but I live by them.  I learn this skill from my mother, and I strongly feel that it helps my life to run much smoother. 

Other Parents!

A lot of my friends are also parents.  Have you ever noticed that as you age, you conversations with friends change also?  When we get together for cookouts, dinners out, or birthday celebrations, my friends and I sit around discussing our children.  I can't even tell you how many times we all say, "Oh, I am so glad to hear it's not just my son/daughter!"  Parents are great supports for other parents.  I have friends that call on me for advice, and I do the same with my friends.  We have friends that don't yet have children.  They look to us for advice and support on what it is like to have children or go through pregnancies and family preparation.  We have friends that have children the same age as us.  We usually sit around comparing what our children do in comparison to each other, and discuss methods of parenting that work for us.  It's such a great tool for learning.  Then we have parents who have children that are much older than ours.  Those are the friends who often share the future of what we will be facing in a few years, and often are there to share similar experiences and offer comfort to us. 

If I didn't have other parents to discuss the past, present, and future with, I don't think I would know as much as I do.  Just like in our early childhoods, we are still learning from our peers!  Hearing how a friends parents allows us to see parenting in different ways, and decide to use what we think will be the most beneficial to our children and family.    

A Challenging Life!

Through my career as a developmental therapist, and through my personal life as the mother of a medically complicated child, I often come in contact with families and individuals that are facing very difficult challenges. 

For instance, having a disability such as cerebral palsy would require many supports in your life.  Many people with cerebral palsy are confined to a wheel chair.  Being confined to a wheel chair would require physical supports for most of the tasks in your life such as going to the restroom, preparing meals, cleaning the house, showering, transportation, and many more.  It seems like the number of businesses that are employing individuals with disabilities, such as cerebral palsy, is growing, but that number is still low.  Individuals with cerebral palsy often require financial support from family or the government.  If individuals with disabilities feel disconnected from others or the community, it can cause many emotional issues which requires support from family, friends, or professionals. Without these supports, many individuals would not be able to live. 

Inclusion for individuals with disabilities as children can lead to a "sense of belonging" and independence.  This independence can transfer into adulthood, and possibly allow individuals to become more involved, active, and accepted in the community.      

My Connections to Play

Play encompassed my childhood.  My older brother and I are only two years apart in age, therefore growing up, I often played with him.  We were friends, our friends were friends, and we had many friends in the neighborhood.  We spent most nights playing until we heard Mom yell that it was time for dinner.  We ate as fast as we could, and were back outside until the street lights turned on.  We played pretend, we played tag, we rode bikes, and we often explored.  I have many great memories from my childhood, and many of them involved the “adventures” we often went on. 

I remember one “adventure” I went on with my brother.  We were pretending we were the characters from Thunder Cats (one of our favorite shows at the time).  I was Cheetara.  Cheetara was a woman that looked like a cheetah, and used a stick to help her jump and move through the air quickly.  That day I had located the broom stick, removed the handle, and proceeded to use it has my stick.  All I needed was the porch as our hideout, front and back yard as our “adventure” land, our imaginations, and my stick.  For those two hours, I was no longer Kristen, I was Cheetara! 

During most of my play growing up, my older brother was definitely my support.  He was two years older than me, very smart, and very creative.  I learned so much from him.  My parents were also often great supports in play.  My mother often played as a mediator by settling arguments, enforcing the rules, giving us freedom, placing trust in us, and often making my brother and his friends include me.   My father often joined in with us.  I remember many occasions of my father chasing us around the local parks, building snow forts in the snow, and long sessions of outdoor laser tag. 

Now as a parent, I often find myself engaging in play in a similar was that my parents did with me as a child.  I find myself chasing my girls around the house calling myself the “Tickle Monster” just like my dad did.  I make Barbie homes with Tupperware the same way my mom did with me.  I even mimic holding The Old Maid card high into the air teasing my daughter about picking it.  Due to my education background and my current job as a therapist, I know how important play is for children, and I try to find every opportunity I can to engage my children and others in play. 

You can clearly see that in some home the true concept of play has taken on a whole new meaning today.  Kids are often “playing” with video games or computer games.  They often prefer watching television rather than play.  In my opinion these activities are not “play”  Children may be able to learn academics or problem solving through these, but play is completely different.  Play is able to provide a child with the ability to be creative and social beings.   Through play, children are also able to learn academics skills, problem solving, and so much more.  We need to take the time to provide settings in which are children are able to learn through play!  Even today, at the age of 30, I love to play!  I often feel like I am living again through my children.  The role of play has never left my life.  I may be somewhat a child at heart, but you have to have fun living the life you are living, no matter what your age is!

I am going to leave you with a couple quotes about play that I feel summarize and represent play for me.

“There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life that he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure.”  ~Mark Twain

“The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.” ~Bill Cosby

Building Relationships

When I think about the relationships I currently have, I feel as if I can put them into some categories.

1) Family

2) Friends

3) Professional Friendships

My family relationships that remain the strongest are with my husband (of course), and my mother.  I find it interesting how relationships change as we age or go through certain times in our lives.  Growing up, most of us mostly valued our relationships with friends.  Now that I am a mother, and in the midst of parenting, my strongest, most valued relationships are with my husband and mother (my close family).  They are my closest supports, and it seems like I am finding it more difficult to maintain other relationships in the manner I would like.  This is mainly due to being so extremely busy.  These close family relationships make me feel loved, safe, supported, and happy.  

My husband is truly my best friend. 

My relationships with my friends seem to be less involved than they used to be.  We all have children now, most of us work, and some of us are now cities and states apart.  My relationships with my friends consist of occasional barbeques (usually with all of our children running around), occasional adult only outings for special occasions such as birthdays, and lots of text messages, emails, and Facebook.  I find great joy in getting an email from a girlfriend who I haven't talked to in a long time.  These relationships make me feel connected, supported, and happy in a well-rounded sort of way.  Friendships with peers were extremely important when we were 5 year old, and still remain extremely important.

When I was on maternity leave, my girlfriends and I got together often with our new babies in tow.   

My professional friendships are friendships that I have formed with colleagues and/or parents of children that I work with through my current profession.  I have formed some great relationships with these parents through the connection we have with their child.  They feel supported by me, and I feel needed by them.  Another main reason that I am able to easily connect with these families is because my oldest child went through the early intervention program (that I work for) until she was 3 years old.  I have faced some of the same therapies, surgeries, and ups and downs that many of these families face on a daily basis.  Even though some of these friendships seem to slowly dissolve after I stop seeing their child, some of these relationships have continued, and I still see some of these families, often getting together with all of our children for playdates, outings, etc. 

"A child dies every three seconds..."

For this last post, I searched for a great quote from a worldly individual that would be able to portray the playful innoscense that encompasses children.  That is when I came across a quote by Brad Pitt, yes the actor!  He may not be the worldly individual I was looking for, and his quote is far from showing innocence and playfulness, but it really affected me.  The week that I blogged about children facing and overcoming trauma, it tugged at so many emotions.  The following quote will leave you all with something to think about in terms trauma and poverty.


"Let us be the ones who say we do not accept that a child dies every three seconds simply because he does not have the drugs you and I have. Let us be the ones to say we are not satisfied that your place of birth determines your right to life. Let us be outraged, let us be loud, let us be bold."  Brad Pitt, actor

I have experienced so many emotions over the last 8 weeks, some are from looking back over personal issues with my life growing up, some dealing with my daughter's illness, and others when learning about others personal stories.  This class has been enlightening, and I have greatly enjoyed reading all the blogs and discussions.  It is amazing how much we can learn through eachother!!!

Assessment and Singapore

I taught first grade for seven years. In those seven years, 3 times a year my students were scheduled in the computer lab for a standardized test. It was test that all students in my school also took at the beginning, middle, and end of the school year. There was a test for each grade level that assessed language arts skills, reading skills, and math skills. I definitely find flaws in this assessment method for many reasons.

First, all children learn and test in different manners. If we know that we have to gear our teaching to meet all the diverse needs of our students, then why should be assessing them all in one way? Second, not all children are at the same level with their use of technology. We can’t assume that all children are able to use a computer, mouse, and headphones in an accurate manner. Finally, assessing only three academic areas does not aid in assessing the child as a whole. There are so many more things to a child than academic performance. Observation is a great way to assess other aspects that can be beneficial in overall performance such as behavior, social skills, and emotional intelligence.

As an educator, I always knew it was my part to assess my students’ performance in many ways. Sometimes you need to look at the child in whole group, small group, or individually. Other times, you need to use verbal assessing or observation. I will honestly admit that I never put too much trust into the performance of my students on standardized testing, and I am not sure why so many people think this is the only way to assess our students.

When I started looking up info about viewing children holistically, a lot of information about education in Singapore came up. Educators in Singapore have made many changes over the last few years to move to a more holistic approach to education. An article from The Washington Post quoted Prime Minister Lee of Singapore as he spoke about the approach in Singapore. He said;

“I think we should do more to nurture the whole child, develop their physical robustness, enhance their creativity, shape their personal and cultural and social identity, so that they are fit, they are confident, they are imaginative and they know who they are.

Every child is different, every child has his own interests, his own academic inclinations and aptitudes and our aim should be to provide him with a good education that suits him, one which enables him to achieve his potential and build on his strengths and talents. Talent means talent in many dimensions, not just academic talent but in arts, in music, in sports, in creative activities, in physical activities.

We need to pay more attention to PE, to arts and music and get teachers who are qualified to teach PE and art and music.

Give each one a tailored and holistic upbringing, so you get academic education, moral education, physical education, art and a sense of belonging and identity. We aim to build a mountain range with many tall peaks but with a high base, not just a single pinnacle where everybody is trying to scramble up one single peak. And we are realizing this vision."

It would make sense that their teaching and assessment would both be geared toward a holistic approach. I also visited the Ministry of Singapore to read a little more in-depth about the education system there. I find their approach very interesting and refreshing. If you have a change you can visit the website by clicking here.

*Source*

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/answer-sheet/guest-bloggers/what-other-countries-are-reall.html

Consequences of Stress on Child Development

I taught first grade for 7 years.  All of those years were spent teaching at an inner city charter school in Indianapolis.  85% of our students were free lunches, behavior was huge challenge schoolwide, and we had very low parent involvment. 

The effects of poverty, hunger, chaos, and violence could be seen some of my students' performaces in the classroom.  One particular student I remember was a six year old boy.  This child was so tired everyday.  He often fell asleep during instruction and independent work.  One day he came to school and seemed even worse than usual.  At recess that day he told me about how his night had gone the previous night.  He was sleeping in his bedroom, when his door flung open and closed, his mother's boyfriend ran in very quickly and hid under the covers next to my student.  Minutes later my student heard loud yelling voice outside his bedroom door.  The police then busted down his door, ripped back the covers, handcuffed and arrested his mom's boyfriend.  My student not only watched it all, but was right in the middle of it.  The interesting part about all of this is that he acted like it wasn't that big of deal, kind of like it just interrupted his sleep a little.  It really made me start thinking about what kind of true chaos and violence this young child sees on a daily basis.  This chaos affected him physically, mentally, and emotionally.  He should be in middle school right now, and I often think about how he is doing.  I have no doubts that this stress as a young child has had lasting effect on him.

My brother-in-law just returned from Afghanistan, so I was curious about how the war effects this children in this region.  Not only are Afghani children experiences the stress of war, but they are also faced with violence, trauma, chaos, abuse, and poverty.  One consequence of facing these stressors is post-traumatic stress disorder.  According to Science Daily, some of the solutions to this problem are "better education, immediate mental health interventions and treatment after a violent conflict, and humanitarian assistance for trauma-affected populations in resource-poor countries."  Knowing the lasting affects war can have on grown adults who return back to civilian life, really makes me scared for how much more damaging life like this can have for children who aren't removed from it. 

Source taken from: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090623112106.htm

Breastfeeding: USA vs. Kenya

I have been on both sides of the breastfeeding debate (Breastmilk VS Formula).  In the United States, it is entirely a woman's choice about whether she wants to breastfeed her infant or bottle feed using formula.  The Center for Disease Control states that "high breastfeeding initiation rates (3 out of 4) show that most mothers in the United States want to breastfeed and are trying to do so. However, even from the very start, mothers may not be getting the breastfeeding support they need.  Low breastfeeding rates at 3, 6, and 12 months illustrate that mothers continue to face multiple barriers to breastfeeding". 

With my first child, I was dead set on breastfeeding.  She was born almost 2 months early, was born with a heart defect, weighed less than 4 lbs, and was in an isolette during her first weeks.  She was unable to maintain her body temperature and had not yet mastered the breathing, sucking, swallowing technique.  Therefore, for her first 2 weeks of life I used a breast pump, and fed her breastmilk through a bottle.  At 2 weeks old, she finally started getting the hang of breastfeeding.  During feedings, I had to watch her monitors very closely.  Due to her heart defect, her oxygen levels were in the 80's, which is low.  When she was nursing, she had dips that dropped down to the 60's.  Her alarms would sound, and we would have to stop.

One week later, when my daughter went into surgery for a double hernia repair, we discovered the real culprit to the dips in her oxygen as well as the problems with her sucking and swallowing.  My daughter's trachea (airway) was the size of a pinhole.  This problem required her to have a tracheostomy put in immediately until her doctor's could repair her airway when she was over 12 months of age.  Due to having a tracheostomy, and problems with aspirating, I was not allowed to breastfeed her.  For the following 6 months, I pumped my breastmilk and fed her through a bottle.  The breastmilk had to be thickened with rice cereal to prevent any aspirating.  When she was about 6 months old, I returned to work.  Teaching elementary school, pumping multiple times a day, and taking care of my special needs child proved to be too much for me to handle.  At that time, I chose to give up breastfeeding.  My daughter recieved formula until she was 1.

My second daughter, who is now 19 months old, was breastfed for 13 months.  Her birth was completely different, weighed in at 7 lbs 8 oz, and is completely healthy.  So as you can see, I have been on both ends of breastfeeding.  I encountered a barrier with my first child that stopped me from breastfeeding her.  Breastfeeding may be my feeding option of choice for my children, and I do feel that there is a health benefit related to breastfeeding, but I know it is not for everyone.  I have friends who try for months to breastfeed, but their milk supply diminishes too early, I have a cousin who never had any milk come in, and I also have a sister-in-law who chose not to breastfeed at all.  I see nothing wrong with any of these scenarios, and am very happy that breastfeeding is a mother's choice.

I took a look at breastfeeding in Kenya to get an idea what is the norm.  I found a great chart from Unicef that shows the feeding norms by age (in months).  As seen below, it appears less children start out  

exclusively breastfeeding in Kenya (30%) than in the United States (75%).  I was also shocked to see how many infants were given water and complimentary foods along with their breastmilk.   

Facts for Life is an organization stating facts about certain topics, with one being breastfeeding.  As stated on the Facts for Life website:

• Babies who are breastfed are generally healthier and achieve optimal growth and development compared to those who are fed formula milk.
• If the vast majority of babies were exclusively fed breastmilk in their first six months of life – meaning only breastmilk and no other liquids or solids, not even water – it is estimated that the lives of at least 1.2 million children would be saved every year. If children continue to be breastfed up to two years and beyond, the health and development of millions of children would be greatly improved.
• Almost every mother can breastfeed successfully. All mothers, particularly those who might lack the confidence to breastfeed, need the encouragement and practical support of the baby's father and their families, friends and relatives. Health workers, community workers, women's organizations and employers can also provide support.

What I take from all this is that it appears sometimes women are not given the support needed to be successful with breastfeeding.  Some organizations are starting initiatives to train more breastfeeding counselors and send them into other countries to educate the mother's about the benefits and methods of breastfeeding.  I think breastfeeding can have clear benefits emotionally, cognitively, and physically for developing children.  Hopefully getting more trained professionals, educating the public, and creating health facilities equiped to support breastfeeding mothers will show in increase in overall breastfeeding, therefore an increase in many developmental domains. 



*Information taken from:
http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/data/reportcard.htm

http://www.childinfo.org/breastfeeding_kenya.html

http://www.factsforlifeglobal.org/04/